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| A-Hose: Duncan Black AKA "Atrios" of the Liberal blog Eschaton. Mark thinks he doesn't blog enough, and when he does that he's kind of... well, an A-Hose. |
| Archie Pedalstank: Former President Ford staffer who now writes conservative columns and appears on the Mark Spittle Show. |
| Bowelboy / Bowelie / Chris Bowels : Chris Bowers of MyDD.com. Mark will always take the short road to a poop joke. |
| Chet Masters: an old newsman from CBS that Mark pulled out of mothballs for the podcast. Chet presents the regular feature "New News in the News ." Gong. |
| J-Laz: Jay Lassiter of the great blog Lassiter Space. Highly recommended. |
| Judith, Bettina and Marjorie: Mark's three sons, all in various stages of transgenderism. Mark hasn't commented on whether he thinks that's good or not. |
| Mac Styran: Composer of The Mark Spittle Show theme music, and producer of the podcast. Lives in Germany and is engaged to a blindingly hot Euromiss. Has own website, too. |
| Mafuckka: Word coined by Crooks & Liars' "Mike" (of Mike's Blog Round-Up) presumed to mean "motherfucker." Yes, he called Mark a "mafuckka", and not in the good way. |
| Margoloids, The: conservative blogging twins Aaron and Matt Margolis of Pardon My English blog. Aaron is Margoloid Prime, and Matt is Margoloid Jr. |
| Mary-Hott: MaryScott O'Connor of My Left Wing. Mark is totally hot for her and has put out a fatwah on her husband. |
| Matt Stealer: Matt Stoller of MyDD. Matt totally stole shit from Mark. Totally. Don't leave your wallet anywhere near this guy. |
| Miss Anchor Baby: conservative pundit wannabe Michelle Malkin who has decried the concept of immigrant anchor babies, but is one herself. |
| Rocco DiPolepuffer: Angelo "Rocco" Dipippo of The Autonomist blog. He's the guy who is publishing home addresses, along with turn-by-turn driving directions, of New York Times staffers and other people he doesn't like. Has yet to renounce domestic terrorism. |
| Savannah Shazam: Transgender Southern Black lady who occasionally chats with Mark on the podcast. |
| SiteSpittler 9000: The incredibly high-tech device Mark uses to contextually analyze websites. Has two modes: "Analyzer" mode just spits out a report on website content. "Spittler" mode regenerates the website completely, revealing its soul. Really. |
| Solange: Mark's wife, who's French. Eww. |
| Spink: Shorthand for Spittle and Ink. Duh. |
| SpitShow: Shorthand for The Mark Spittle Show podcast. |
| Spittledroogs: the untold legions of Spittle & Ink fans who provide Mark ongoing "intel" throughout the rest of the world so he can make fun of people. |
| Toyfucker: Conservative blogger Mark Philip Alger, who -- get ready -- writes prose about himself having sex with a Xena acton figure (Gabrielle, to be precise) that has come alive. He actually blogs in the voice of "Dolly." He is so ripe for being arrested. |
| Trembles: Francois Tremblay, Libertarian crank from Canada who wants to kill both Mark and President Bush. Other than that, he's a dick. |
| Truegasms: Ten-point bulleted lists of things Mark says you know in your heart are true. |
| U.S. Navy: Mark served on a submarine in the US Navy which has led to endless gay jokes, written mostly by Mark. |
